Today is my grandfather’s 83rd birthday. My grandmother had flowers put in her church in memory of him (he passed away on Valentine’s Day back in 1986) since today is his birthday. She suggested we take the flowers to the cemetary together since Andrew was buried at the same plot. I thought it was a great idea, but was anxious to make my first visit to Andrew’s grave. Monday was the memorial service when we buried him and I didn’t want too much time to pass before our first visit.
So, we met up after church and had some lunch and then proceeded to the cemetary together to place the flowers. The plot is right at the edge of the cemetary as you turn in and I love that it’s near some cedar trees right behind a nice bench. I can picture Kevin and I sitting on that bench spending time with Andrew in the future and I also look forward to visits with my grandmother.
I’m so glad that Andrew is buried right next to his great grandfather. It comforts my heart knowing that their bodies are there together, and reminds me that they are together right now as we speak, up in heaven with Jesus. I picture Andrew sitting on his lap and the two of them sharing so much laughter. Here are some pictures of the beautiful flowers and the gravesite. Keep in mind that we don’t have Andrew’s marker just yet.
Today was also our first time going back to church since Andrew’s passing. It was bittersweet. Kevin and I really wanted to go, but we wanted Andrew to be with us. Our church family has done SO much for us during this time and I wanted to see them and thank them and just be with them this morning.
It took me a while to get ready this morning. I sat in the rocking chair in Andrew’s room for a while, wishing I were changing him on the changing pad and putting on one of his cute onesies. I put my makeup on in my bedroom and envisioned him laying on the bed while I got ready. It made me sad that I didn’t get to do all that, but I held it together as I got ready.
We ended up going to our old Sunday School class this morning rather than heading back to the youth department where we teach on Sunday mornings. I just wasn’t ready to go back – I wanted to see them at church, but just felt like I’d be a distraction this morning. It was good to be back in our old class. I always enjoyed the fellowship and teaching in that class. The lesson today was on the “Christian Maturity Meter” and we went through passages in Scripture that show the growth of a disciple of Christ.
One of the verses from this morning was Philippians 1:9-11.
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ – to the glory and praise of God.”
We discussed what it meant to be filled with the fruit of righteousness. Our teacher made the point that there will be times in our lives when we are squished. What will come out? I started to cry at that moment. I feel like I am being squished right now – the question I need to ask myself is what is coming out? I hope and pray that Jesus is oozing out of me right now. If he’s not, then me going through all this is pointless.
One of the things that comforts me is thinking that in some way, shape, or form, God is getting the glory in all this. I want people to see and know Jesus more because of what we are going through, because of short Andrew’s life. That was my prayer for his life all along, that he would come to know Jesus at an early age and that he would lead a life that would glorify God. Although his life was 9 short months, I pray that in that short time and in his death, God WILL get the glory! I cling to that right now, because that is the only way ANY of this makes ANY sense.
After Sunday School, we went on to the service. We ended up missing the music (which may have been a good things) as we talked with quite a few people and walked in right at the end of it. After the message, we spoke with some more folks. Everyone was wonderful and just so loving. I spoke with one woman who shared that she lost her child at 5 months. She spoke some great words of encouragement to me. More than anything, I just appreciate everyone’s prayers. I know our church family has been praying – we have felt it in mighty ways. Thanks so much to all of you who have been praying for us. We are honored to be thought of and prayed for during this time.
I had planned to share some more about my pregnancy with Andrew but this post is clearly getting long 🙂 I’ll post more in the morning because I am anxious to share more about Andrew and our pregnancy.