I’m angry right now. I’m tired of hearing about tragedies and tired of seeing people experience anxiety, sadness, pain, and death (myself included). I found out tonight that another family is dealing with the pain of loosing a child. After loosing their second baby girl 10 short months ago, they have lost another baby girl.
I hate that when I talk to people about loosing Andrew, almost everyone has either experienced a loss of a child or knows someone who has. I’m just downright angry at the devil right now.
Right after we found out that Andrew had passed, we spent some time with our pastor. One of the things he warned us of was the devil’s evil schemes. I’m so glad he reminded us that the devil is an accuser and a liar because he was already working on me, causing me to question what I could have or should have done differently. How could I not have known that Andrew had died? Why didn’t I pay more attention to Andrew’s movements?
Even since Andrew’s death, the devil is still trying to get me. I’ve had some hard and discouraging moments, and have had some very sinful thoughts that I’m not proud of.
I went to the dentist the other day, and the hygenist greeted me by asking, “So how’s the new momma?” My heart sank. I had to explain about Andrew’s death and it hurt so bad.
At my age, I’m surrounded by women who are pregnant. I’m happy for these women, but the devil is hard at work in my thoughts – making me wonder if I’ll ever get pregnant again and be able to give birth to a child that is ALIVE! What I would give to have seen Andrew breathe.
At church this morning, Kevin and I were talking to a family who was visiting for the first time. It breaks my heart that they won’t even know about Andrew unless I bring him up. There is no obvious reason for them to assume we have a child, and I hate that.
I could go on and on…
I’m determined to not let the devil have a stronghold. The devil wants to steal my joy and cause me to doubt the goodness of God. I have been thinking a lot about God’s promises this week. I was reminded of one of them earlier today.
God’s word is filled with many more promises – I’m so thankful for those reminders! I’m also thankful that Satan will be defeated!