It’s hard to believe that another month has passed without our Andrew. We’ve settled into our new “normal” and we’re hopeful for the future, but the missing never seems to disappear. I don’t think it ever will.
The night before we left Richmond to come down south for Kevin’s spring break, I had a huge meltdown. I cried so much on the phone with my mom (and with Kevin earlier that night), that I ended up with a headache and couldn’t even finish packing. It was pretty bad, but I needed to get the emotions and tears out.
That particular day was April 1st, which was a pretty monumental day for us in 2009. That’s the same day that we found out we were expecting a cute little BOY!! And also the day we found out that one of his kidneys was not functioning properly. So, needless to say, that was a huge day for us.
It also hit me like a ton of bricks that night that we would not be bringing Andrew with us on our Spring break trip. I had been looking forward to this trip for a while now, and it was just so sad that our little boy was not going to be joining us. This is what life is like for us now. Kevin and I are so grateful for the fun things we get to do and places we get to go, but it’s all so bittersweet knowing that Andrew will not be with us.
I had asked for prayer on Facebook that night. I was so overwhelmed with emotion and really scared that those intense feelings would continue during our trip and that it would not be a good time. I knew I needed some good time away and was fearful that my emotions would get in the way of enjoying our time away. I’m so thankful for those who prayed for me because I woke up the next morning feeling so much better. My attitude was completely different, and I felt really good leaving on our trip.
Don’t get me wrong, there have been moments where I have missed Andrew like crazy during this trip, but overall, it’s been really nice. We were in Memphis on Andrew’s 8 month heavenly birthday. We enjoyed a nice meal, but I couldn’t help but think about him and wish we could see what he was doing in heaven. I know it’s wonderful, but it’s hard for me to really imagine what it’s like for him. I guess I’ll know when I get there! 🙂
Kevin and I are in Charleston now and looking forward to a few nice days. It was raining when we got here, so I’m hoping the weather will cooperate with us!! So far though, I love it here, although a lot of it has to do with the valet parking and king sized bed!