It’s been about 6 weeks since the nice gentleman came to the house to pick up Savannah’s apnea monitor. I was so torn about it – excited to be rid of the leads that stuck on her chest all the time (except for baths) while also being completely scared to death that something would go wrong and we wouldn’t catch it in time on our own.
The closer we got to the doctor releasing her from the monitor (it took a few phone calls on my part to get the final download of data and to get the reading back from the pediatrician), the more anxious I got regarding how we should proceed once the apnea monitor was no longer medically necessary.
Thanks to modern technology, there are lots of devices out there to help ease one’s mind, especially regarding SIDS. We had been told about Angelcare crib monitors and were originally very sure that we would opt to get one once the doctor released Savannah from her apnea monitor. From what I understand, these monitors go on top of the crib mattress and are used to detect movement (which comes from breathing if the baby is asleep). If a certain amount of time goes by without sensing movement, then it will alarm. I’m not sure about detecting heartrate, but evenso it sounded very similar to what we were used to, only there would be nothing attached to Savannah.
It’s funny how the Lord works on you though. When we brought Savannah home from the hospital, Kevin and I were fairly certain that we would purchase one of these monitors once the doctor chose to release her from the apnea monitor and wanted to be prepared for when that happened. We were still very anxious about her apnea episode in the hospital and just nervous about bringing a tiny baby home in general. We finally had a living baby in our arms and didn’t want to take any chances of loosing her so soon.
The week leading up to Savannah being released from the apnea monitor, I just wasn’t so sure that buying an Angelcare monitor was the right thing for us. We had slowly weaned her from it and were only plugging her up to it while she slept at night. While I can completely understand why parents would choose to purchase one, I just felt more and more like the Lord was prompting me to not purchase one.
I wracked my brain over it. I prayed about it constantly too.
I kept thinking, “Lord, what if we don’t purchase this monitor and then Savannah dies of SIDS. I’d never forgive myself.”
I really felt like the Lord was telling me to just let go completely. And for me, being the control-freak that I am, that meant not purchasing another monitor. I also felt like the Lord was convicting me to put my money where my mouth was. I say all the time that Savannah is the Lord’s and that He has her days numbered, but was I really believing that?
After some discussions with Kevin, it turned out that he was leaning this way as well, and at the end of the day, I was so glad to submit to his final decision, whatever it was. I just could not think about it and worry over it anymore. (I’m still learning a whole lot about submission and this was one occassion that I was thankful for the Lord’s wisdom behind this command for wives.)
The decision was made to not purchase the Angelcare monitor, and we are happy to report that Savannah is still doing great! We were both very nervous at first. I found myself checking on her sometimes as much as every 10 minutes or so during naps (that has greatly improved) and Kevin even made a few comments regarding whether we made the right decision or not.
Now that we are 6 weeks later, I can hardly remember Savannah having the apnea monitor! While the worry still creeps in sometimes, I am carrying around a lighter load now that I have been obediant. We have no idea whether we might purchase an Angelcare monitor down the road or to use with other children (if the Lord chooses to bless us with them), but for now, we are enjoying seeing what God has planned for our precious daughter. We pray for her daily and trust that the Lord has her in the palm of His hand.
It’s definitely not easy, though. And in those crazy moment when I wonder if I’ll be walking into the nursery only to find Savannah dead in her crib (morbid, right?), I am thankful that the Lord is big enough to handle not only my worry, but also our precious little girl.