Kevin and I had an awesome Thanksgiving with my family up in Baltimore. The food was great, and it was so nice to get out of town for a little while. Don’t get me wrong, I love home but being away for a few days is always a nice change for this stay-at-home wife. Change of scenery is good for me these days!
So, Thanksgiving Day was filled with turkey and all the trimmings and very good company. But, to be honest, the company would have been better if my little Andrew Ryan was there. I still miss him so much – I can’t even describe the missing. It’s too deep to even put into words these days. The tears may be fewer and farther between, but the missing hasn’t lessened a bit. I don’t think it ever will.
On to Black Friday. After a wonderful Thanksgiving Day, Black Friday was a totally different story! What should have been a day filled with Christmas shopping madness turned into me crying my eyes out and $1400 worth of damage to my sister’s “new” minivan. I was backing up and a tree literally jumped out in front of me! Yeah, I know…..the NERVE! Anyway, after the incident with the tree, we decided to come home and skip out on the shopping.
I have to be honest though, since this blog is my attempt at being honest with the world, myself, and God about my feelings as I walk this road we call life.
I was very mad at God after I backed into the tree. Call it hormones, raw emotion, or whatever you wish, but I was downright angry!
It wasn’t God’s fault I backed into the tree, and that’s not even why I was angry at him. I was angry because he allowed it to happen, after all I’ve been going through. As if loosing your son means you will never deal with frustrations and difficulties again – HA! I guess you could say I had a temper-tantrum with the God of the universe. Proud moment, I know.
I sort of feel silly even typing about my tiff with God, but yet that’s what’s so beautiful about it. I have an authentic, real relationship with GOD!
I’d be lying if I said I have never been angry at God. After all, I’m a sinner and am human. Although I can’t defend my anger at the Lord, this honest and open relationship that we have is beautiful.
Even in the midst of my anger though, he still blessed me.
— He listened to my cry for mercy.
— No one was hurt (the back rear window shattered and no one was sitting beside it).
— The damage was within what we could afford to pay to repair.
— My sister and brother-in-law responded with love and grace.
— My husband responded with gentleness and not anger (like I probably would have).
That’s just how God is though. He blesses us even in the midst of the frustration and difficulty. This situation could have been worse. It could have been far worse. And I’d like to think that I’d still be thankful in the midst of it even if it had ended differently. And just for the record, I did apologize to God later. 🙂
In the meantime though, I just want to thank the Lord. He is good…..no matter what.
Can I get an AMEN!??