So I’m back in Richmond after a great week in Baltimore with my family. I rode back with my parents and my niece, MacKenzie, since they had already planned to come down this weekend for my grandmother’s birthday. It’s nice to be back home, but I’ve sort of been in a funk today. I’ve been missing Andrew a lot today. I’m not 100% sure why it hit me today specifically. I made a comment to my mom earlier in the week that I hadn’t cried for a while and I could sort of feel the tears building up. Maybe it was just time today….who knows really.
A month ago today was the last day of “normalcy” before our world was turned upside down. On August 4th, I was 38 weeks (only days away from being 39 weeks) and we were essentially done with baby prep – showers were over, baby classes were done, the nursery was ready, the carseat was installed, the stroller was in the trunk, and the diaper bag was packed.
We were just basically waiting for Andrew to make his arrival whenever he was ready! I had a feeling it wouldn’t be too much longer since I was starting to notice some cramping – nothing major really (and from the books I read, it was normal for Braxton Hicks contractions to become more intense) but I just felt like my body was slowly starting to kick into gear.
I had lunch with a friend of mine that day and had a great time as usual. I even asked her if she wanted to get a pedicure – I knew it would be my last before the delivery and wanted to have pretty toes while I was pushing – LOL!! As we were leaving, I told her that I’d be in touch and let her know once Andrew was here.
Later that afternoon, Kevin and I had our consult with the pediatric urologist. Nothing major there – we basically just met him and he took a look at all my sonograms. He told us that he would make a visit to the hospital once Andrew was born so he could monitor his kidneys and we could determine how to proceed from there.
That night, I wrote Andrew a letter. I had been working on his baby book and got to the page that said “Letter from Mommy.” I honestly hadn’t thought about writing him a letter up until that point – looking back now, I really wish I had. Here it is – it brings me right back to that night when I read it.
As I write this letter, I am filled with a whirlwind of emotion! We have been anxiously awaiting your arrival for 9 months now and it’s hard to believe the day is just around the corner! Although we have been preparing for your for 9 months, we have actually been praying for you for much longer than that. Your daddy and I began praying that we would have a child at least a year or 2 before we even found out that we would be having you. We felt so blessed once we knew our prayers had been answered, but it just meant we could pray very specifically for YOU, our first child, and a little boy at that! We prayed for your health and development, but even for your spiritual growth and development. We want for you to come to know and love Jesus at a young age and serve him throughout your life! We also prayed that we would be good parents and raise you in the way you should go! So, whether you may realize it or not, you have been loved and prayed for long before your birthday! As your mother, I commit to love you and pray for you daily. I commit to seek God as I do my part in raising you! I am so thrilled about meeting you for the first time! It’s been such a neat experience feeling you move and kick over these months, but I am so excited to see you face to face! Your daddy and I love you so much and look forward to all the memories we will share as a family!
With All My Love,
As I re-read that letter, it brings me right back to that night. I love thinking back to all that excitement and apprehension – it was such a joyous time and to think it was only a month ago. God had other plans for Andrew and for us. I’m so glad that in the midst of my sadness today, I can rest in knowing that God’s word from Jeremiah 29:11 is true, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and future.'”