It’s so hard to believe that it’s been 4 months since we held our precious son, Andrew Ryan. It really seems like it’s been more like YEARS! I wish so much that I could rewind to that day and hold him again and kiss his sweet nose, but I’m so grateful knowing that Jesus himself is taking perfect care of our little baby. I know that Andrew is so happy and content, that he’d much rather be there in heaven than here with us in this dark world we live in. I imagine that once I’ve experienced heaven, there’s no way I’d want to come back either.
I’d love to go to the cemetary today to see Andrew’s headstone, but it still hasn’t been installed. Kevin keeps encouraging me to call the cemetary, but I haven’t because I know exactly what they are going to say. With all the rain we’ve had over the past few weeks, they are so behind and trying to play catch up as quickly as possible. I may give them a call at the end of the week if the weather is ok. I am curious where we are on the list though.
Either way, I plan to visit the cemetary today to change up the flowers. I want to leave something for the Christmas season as well. Maybe a nativity scene or Christmas tree – something to put in place of the scarecrow we had placed next to the fall floral arrangement.
My sister and niece are here today and MacKenzie said she wanted to leave a picture she drew at Andrew’s grave. It melts my heart so much that my precious niece remembers Andrew. Her picture was cute. She drew a picture of herself and then a picture of Andrew. He was so tiny and I noticed that she had drawn in 3 small circles on his belly. I asked her if that was supposed to be his belly button and she said they were buttons. So cute! We’ll have to figure out a way to leave the picture there so it won’t blow away.
Tonight, Kevin and I will be meeting up with the folks from our new support group. We’ll be talking about coping with our loss during the holiday season. I’m anxious to hear how everyone managed through the Thanksgiving and how everyone is doing so far this Christmas season.
One thing I’m struggling with is finding ways to remember Andrew during this Christmas season. Kevin and I honestly don’t have a ton of Christmas traditions – we were hoping to begin some once children came along. This year, I obviously want to make sure we honor the memory of our son as we celebrate Jesus’ birth. I’ve found a cute stocking that I’d like to order and have been looking for an ornament to add to the tree. I just feel like we need to do more….. that just doesn’t seem like enough.
The sad reality is there are never going to be enough ways to remember our son. We just want him here. But since he can’t be here with us, I guess I just want him to know he has impacted us much more than just a stocking and ornament could ever signify. I’m wrestling with how to include him in our Christmas celebration. If any of you have any ideas, please let me know.
How do you remember the loved ones that you have lost during the Christmas season?
I we have Chirstmas angels here in my town and for each of our children that are in heaven I select an Angel that is close to what their ages would be. And I buy for them. For me it is doing something in their honor and hopefully making a difference in a child that is here on this earth. I am praying for your comfort during this holiday season.