I did it again. You’d think I’d get used to the question, but for some reason, I feel like I stumble over my answer every single time.
A kind lady was complementing Savannah while Kevin and I were at Target this afternoon and I was trying to get some pictures printed. We had also just run into a friend of ours and were chatting with her when the nice lady asked it.
“Is she your first?”
I took the easy route, gently nodding my head and answering, “Yeah.”
I immediately felt guilt and wanted to kick myself for not being completely truthful.
I’d also like to think I would have answered it differently had we just not walked in from the 102 degree heat wave we’ve had here, but I probably wouldn’t have.
The truth be told, I still don’t know exactly what to say when people ask me this question. It was difficult when I was pregnant with Savannah, but I did have some practice answering it correctly. I stumbled some but had gotten my response down for the most part. Now that Savannah is here, I guess I just haven’t been asked that question all that much so I’m really not as used to answering it anymore.
As we were driving home, I talked with Kevin about the situation a little bit and expressed my frustration. The part that makes me the most upset is not even that I have to even have this sort of internal struggle with how to answer that question. (Although, trust me, I really really wish I had Andrew here in the flesh and this question would not even be an issue for me. I still miss that little boy like crazy!) The main reason that I get so frustrated with myself is that my answer to this question does not come naturally.
Why do I even think about how to answer that question?
I wish my answer came naturally and was just an outflow of what Kevin and I know to be true about our family.
Savannah is not our first child. Why is that so hard for me to say when strangers in Target ask me?