I did it again. You’d think I’d get used to the question, but for some reason, I feel like I stumble over my answer every single time.
A kind lady was complementing Savannah while Kevin and I were at Target this afternoon and I was trying to get some pictures printed. We had also just run into a friend of ours and were chatting with her when the nice lady asked it.
“Is she your first?”
I took the easy route, gently nodding my head and answering, “Yeah.”
I immediately felt guilt and wanted to kick myself for not being completely truthful.
I’d also like to think I would have answered it differently had we just not walked in from the 102 degree heat wave we’ve had here, but I probably wouldn’t have.
The truth be told, I still don’t know exactly what to say when people ask me this question. It was difficult when I was pregnant with Savannah, but I did have some practice answering it correctly. I stumbled some but had gotten my response down for the most part. Now that Savannah is here, I guess I just haven’t been asked that question all that much so I’m really not as used to answering it anymore.
As we were driving home, I talked with Kevin about the situation a little bit and expressed my frustration. The part that makes me the most upset is not even that I have to even have this sort of internal struggle with how to answer that question. (Although, trust me, I really really wish I had Andrew here in the flesh and this question would not even be an issue for me. I still miss that little boy like crazy!) The main reason that I get so frustrated with myself is that my answer to this question does not come naturally.
Why do I even think about how to answer that question?
I wish my answer came naturally and was just an outflow of what Kevin and I know to be true about our family.
Savannah is not our first child. Why is that so hard for me to say when strangers in Target ask me?
*Sigh*
Dear Sarah…For nearly 20 years I have faced the same thing. When someone asks how many grandkids we have I always want to say 11 on earth and 3 in heaven, plus some that we never met due to miscarriage. …And sometimes I do tell the whole story…if time permits, because it is my testimony of faith. The Lord helped us through each trial, and I give all the glory to Him. But yes, sometimes I have to let it go… and I simply reply… 11. So don't feel too bad. Just wait..more opportunities will arise for you to share your faith…and to tell others of your sweet Andrew. {{Hugs}} Linda
Sarah
Praying for you….I can't imagine what I would do. I can say that we met a new family at our church and the first time we talked we were naming our kids and then asked about theirs and they said who their kids were and then that they had a son Elijah who passed away at birth. But it has been 10 years for them….so I suppose maybe with time, and unfortunatly practice, it gets easier. Don't feel guilty you have to remember that you are doing the best you can as you walk through this journey.
Hugs, Kristin
what about a simple, "nope, she's my 2nd".
It's not likely she'll ask for more info, but is asked, you can say you've got a son named Andrew that is a year older.
I've learned with my kids that sometimes the best answer is the simplest and most honest.
Sarah, I admire you in so many ways. I felt for you in that situation. A simple question by a stranger that may be a simple answer for me, comes with more for you. I think these ladies are right in their advice. But I just want you to know that I really have a great respect and admiration for you. You have walked this road with grace and beauty even in your transparency. It makes God look awesome!
Dear Sarah,
I found your blog through my daughter's blog–Prone to Wander. I struggle with this same sort of question, when people ask how many grandchildren I have. I don't know why I struggle with it, I have two. I guess a part of me doesn't want to hear a followup like, "Oh, how lucky you are," or "How fun for you," (which are things I know *I* would respond with).
Last week, for the first time in the five months since Everett was stillborn, I ran into an acquaintance who knew Joc had been pregnant, but didn't know the baby had died. When she asked about him, I was completely caught off guard and fumbled through a response and I'm sure I really made the woman feel badly!
You're in my prayers. 🙂