The past couple of days have been tough. I should have seen it coming since it had been a little while since I had cried. I could feel the tears building up ever since Thursday when I had an appointment with my blood doctor. Speaking of which, my platelets are still low, but my levels have increased since the pregnancy with Andrew, so that is good. He wants me to come back in 3 months to see if they are back to normal levels then. It was hard seeing him as he hadn’t heard about our news of loosing Andrew. He was so sweet about everything, but it was a little surreal sitting in that office. The last time I was there was the week before we found out Andrew had passed away.
I had actually been dreading the appointment all week, since I had anticipated the awkwardness of telling him (and potentially others in the office) about Andrew. I have to say though, the Lord really spoke to me when I was leaving that office. Sometimes grief can be very self-consuming and I find myself having little “pity parties” (which isn’t good by any means) about our situation, but being in that office was a huge reminder that I am not the only person in this world who is going through a “storm.” My blood doctor also specializes in oncology, so that building is filled with folks who have it far worse than I. It was very humbling.
So after a rough couple of days, this morning at church was just what I needed. After a couple weeks of missing the musical portion of the worship service (we talk too much walking from the youth building to the sanctuary!!), I thoroughly enjoyed singing some great songs to the Lord. I love to sing in church and we sang some songs this morning that I especially like.
I can’t really explain it, but I just thoroughly enjoyed the time and felt like I really connected with the Lord. It was pretty cool. In the midst of that time, the Lord gave me this mental picture of little Andrew up in heaven praising the Lord too. I felt so connected to Andrew in that moment and it was like we were worshipping the Lord together. It was just what I needed to picture in my mind after a rough couple of days. I pictured Andrew worshipping our God at the exact same time we were this morning. Our family was having our own little worship service together. It was such a sweet image and made me so proud.
It may sound silly to some of you, but it’s just another example of how the Lord knows exactly what we need and when we need it. He knew I had been down and he knew that I needed that mental image to encourage me. Praise the Lord for that! He is good!