Today was my follow up appointment with my blood doctor regarding my low platelet levels. I saw him during my pregnancy with Andrew to make sure my levels were at least stable (he seemed to think it was pregnancy related since I’ve had no other symptoms of anything serious). I saw him again in September after my pregnancy to see if my levels had improved, and they were slightly up, but still not normal. He wanted to see me again today to see how they were with a little more time out from my pregnancy. The verdict today: still not normal.
He took some more vials of blood today to check for autoimmune issues and we’ll find out the results of those next week. But, he does want me to get a bone marrow test done. YUCK! I was not happy to hear that. I’ve heard those are painful tests, but I guess it can’t be worse than labor pains – HA!! I’ll have to schedule that for January. I’m praying that they don’t find anything when they do the test. I’m certainly no doctor, but I have a hard time imagining there is something major going on to cause this. It wasn’t until I was pregnant that this issue was even discovered, but I guess it’s best to check all the possibilities.
My doctor actually specializes in hematology (blood) and oncology, so I actually visit the Virginia Cancer Institute when I go for my appointments. It’s very humbling to sit in the office knowing you’re surrounded my folks who are dealing with a cancer diagnosis. It makes your problems seem so very small in comparison.
Immediately when I walked into the office to sign in, I saw a woman with a baby in a stroller. The ladies at the desk were oooooo-ing and ahhhhh-ing over her, of coarse. I couldn’t even look. I overheard her saying that she was here for a follow up since her platelets had been low during her pregnancy with her little girl. She was there for the exact same reason I was, only she had her child with her. Man, it was like a punch to the gut.
In a few minutes, I was called back to the area where they draw the blood. I sit down and within a couple of minutes, she walks back and sits in the chair next to me. I can overhear her discussing how she had just been to her OB appointment earlier in the morning and how glad she was that her little girl was sleeping through all the appointments. After my blood was drawn, I walk back to the waiting room for my specific doctor. Yet again, just a few minutes later, back she walks with her stroller and sits down in the waiting room across from me. I couldn’t even look at her. I hate to say this, but I probably had a scowl on my face – not on purpose, but I was so overwhelmed that I’m sure I wore my emotions on my face. I hope she didn’t notice.
I immediately had to confess and ask the Lord for forgiveness for my strong feelings towards this unknowing woman. She had done nothing wrong. She was visiting the doctor for the same reason as I and had a beautiful little girl in tow – what is wrong with that? That’s the thing – NOTHING is wrong with that. I’m not trying to defend my feelings towards her, but it’s just crazy how these terrible feelings can come out of nowhere.
In all honesty, I’m grateful that these sorts of intense feeling don’t arise all that often. I love children and I don’t want my longing for Andrew to overshadow my love for children. It’s hard sometimes to always be admiring other people’s children when you want so badly to be admiring your own. I have to keep hoping, one of these days…….