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While I haven’t taken an official personality test, I’m confident that I’m somewhere on the introvert spectrum. I enjoy people and while I don’t like too much alone time, I’ve also learned that people drain me. Now that I know this about myself, it’s been interesting to figure out how to manage it in this world filled with people. I love my family and friends dearly, but this introvert mom needs some alone time.
Because of how it relates to being an introvert, I had to push myself in the area of hospitality at first. When I was a new wife and homemaker, the thought of hosting people I didn’t know well was very overwhelming. In my defense, I was still learning a lot of kitchen basics and not very experienced with cooking. The Teacher always wanted to have people over, while I was often hesitant to commit right away. I had to gather my thoughts and come up with a plan before I was willing to agree.
Since an introvert’s energy is drained by other people, I’ve come up with my own ways to host people without adding extra work. If I’ll be around people for the evening, the last thing I want is to begin the time already tired from a whole lot of prep work.
So, here’s my very own introvert’s guide to hospitality.
Keep the meal simple
If cooking doesn’t come easy to you, keep the meal simple. When we have people over for a full meal, I always cook something that I’ve made a lot of times. I try to experiment in the kitchen on occasion, but I never do so when we are having guests over. Stick with a meal that you’ve made before and has gone over well.
If possible, make something that you can prepare in advance. Pasta dishes are always a nice option, but I’ve done things like Mexican Chicken or Mashed Potato Soup too. Feel free to order some pizza if that would make things easier too. Whatever you do, keep the dish basic and save yourself a lot of stress and energy.
Don’t be ashamed of disposable
After you’ve prepared and served your guest, the last thing you probably want to worry about is dishes. Pull out disposable if it saves you valuable time and energy that could be spent on your guests. I almost always use paper plates for outside cookouts. Do what works best for you and reserve your energy.
Stick to dessert and coffee instead
If you are having a hectic week and you just can’t muster up the energy to do an entire meal, invite your guests over for dessert and coffee. Since the food isn’t the main point of hospitality anyway, then something like a small dessert with a hot drink works just as well. We’ve done this before and it worked out nicely. When you eliminate the main meal, there is definitely a lot less to stress over.
Maintain tidy living spaces
One peak into our home and you will realize that I am certainly not an expert housekeeper, so I am definitely not advocating that you must have a perfectly kept home in order to be hospitable. (I’m still trying to convince by family to adhere to the shower wipe down method in our bathroom).
However, I have found that keeping our main living areas tidy is a huge help when it comes to hospitality. Notice that I said the word tidy and not spotless because there is a huge difference. I include some of these tasks in my morning and evening routines so that it’s part of my daily habit. I find that it allows us to invite people over without feeling this panic which leads to a cleaning rampage just before guests will walk through the door. If I make it a habit to keep my main living areas tidy (notice I didn’t mention bedrooms?), then I set myself up for less work later.
Remember to have fun
The purpose of hospitality is to spend time with and enjoy your guests. Let go of any notions that your home must be perfect in order to impress people. Your guests accepted your invitation in order to spend time with you, getting to know you better. If you struggle with this area, plan on playing some fun games to break the ice and help you loosen up. Who doesn’t love a good board game? Taboo* and Catch Phrase* are two of our favorites.
Build in recovery time
After a night with people in your home, you will likely need a night to recover physically. Remember, while it’s fun to be with people, an introverts are drained by being with people and will need time to rest and recharge. Make time to feed your soul so that you can be ready for the next time!
After a little practice, I really enjoy having people in our home. I still don’t believe that hospitality comes naturally to me, but I’ve learned a few things over the years that have helped me to stop stressing about it so much. I have a lot to learn, but I’ve really come to cherish the time I get to spend with people in our home.
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Oh the fun of being an introverted wife who's also a christian. I only mention that last part because there seems to be extra pressure to be hospitable in christian circle that tends to fall on women. The biblical Martha and I could've been BFFs for sure. I've been married 10 years but have only learned what works for me in this area for the last 2. We usually focus on having the same people over and invest in that relationship instead of having new faces all the time. I'm speaking of people other than members of his large and close knit family (That too was a leaning experience. LOL). I love the idea of Keeping the areas that guest will see tidy. The living room, kitchen and especially the bathrooms are what I try to focus on. I love your suggestion of having coffee and dessert (as long as it's not being served during a normal mealtime) for the culinary impaired. Not only is it far less stressful, its also very cost effective. Thanks for mentioning the cleaning rampage. ROTFL! I thought i was the only one who did that.
You are most certainly not the only one who scrambles at the last minute! I'm trying to avoid it, but it still happens on occasion. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
As an introvert that is also a Christian, I have struggled (and still do!) with being hospitable. Thank you for these practical tips to make entertaining less stressful!
I know exactly how you feel, but try not to feel guilty about the way God made you! I hope some of the tips will help. Have a great night! — Sarah 🙂