I finally heard from my OB concerning Andrew’s chromosome tests and the news is that there is no news. She told me that they weren’t able to get the cells to grow enough to be able to run his chromosomes, so we won’t know whether there were any chromosomal abnormalities that could have caused the kidney and testicle issue.
She reviewed Andrew’s autopsy results with my high risk OB {the one who had been monitoring Andrew’s right kidney during my pregnancy} and he doesn’t seem to think there would be much risk of anything reoccuring. He seems to think there was just some issue that prevented his right kidney and right testicle from developing correctly {apparantly those systems are somewhat related} and that it would probably not be an issue with future pregnancies. I was encouraged by that.
With that being said, they do still want Kevin and I to visit a genetic counselor before we try to conceive again, which is not what I wanted to hear. When I called to schedule the appointment, we found out they don’t have appointments available until DECEMBER. I was shocked. We have a call in to a man at the office who supposedly can get you in earlier if you plead your case. I left him a message explaining our situation, so hopefully he will show us some mercy and get us in sooner than December. Hopefully, we’ll hear back from him today.
After a great and encouraging weekend, I was really frustrated with the news of having to see a genetic counselor. In the scheme of life, it’s not a big deal to have to see a genetic counselor, but I’m honestly just tired of having to think about all this and hate the idea of waiting to try and conceive again. I want to think about my son and our future family rather than genes and chromosomes. I had a long conversation with the Lord about all this, and I ended up feeling like such a whiny brat afterwards. I have so much to be grateful for, yet I still allow little “hurdles” discourage me.
The Lord reminded me of Joseph, Job, Sarah, Hannah, and so many others in scripture who went through trials in their lives and went on to experience huge blessings in the end. I know I’m already blessed, yet I sometimes get a little cynical about whether the Lord will ever give us the family that we long for. This whole genetic counseling thing just seems like yet another obstacle we have to get over. I believe that the Lord wants to bless me, yet I don’t know what that will look like, and that is sometimes annoying.
Like I said before, I feel like a whiny brat even thinking these things, but it’s how I feel right now. I’m thankful that the Lord can handle my self-centered feelings and loves me anyway. He’s so full of grace when I truly don’t deserve it.
I think the root of my issue is trust. It’s so much easier to trust the Lord when he gives us what we want, when we want it. It’s harder to trust Him when we feel that we’ve been let down. I heard a quote that I thought hit the nail on the head. Here’s a paraphrase.
God knows exactly what he’s doing in my life (after all, he is GOD!) and his story is far from over. I’m so thankful that He’s the author!
