2 Years Without Him

It was 2 years ago that I laid eyes on you for the first time.  I was so ready to finally see my precious baby boy.  I knew it would be a difficult day, but I tried to focus on the immediate joy that was before us……seeing you and holding you. 

Did you know that many people were praying for us on that day?

It was both one of the happiest days in my life, yet also the saddest, all at the same time.  Those moments with you were priceless.  I prayed that we would witness a miracle and be able to hear you cry, but that was not part of God’s plan.  You entered the world silently, yet your impact on our life has been loud and profound.

Do you know that you have changed me forever?

Do you know that I think of you every single day?

Do you know that I long for heaven in a new way because of you?

I held you for a good while, alternating between kissing your cute nose and patting your bottom, as if to sooth you.  I guess that mommy instinct kicked in immediately, even though you were already in heaven.  As painful as it was to eventually hand your cool body over to the labor and delivery nurse after our time with you, I would do it all over again if it meant I could hold you again and kiss your nose one more time.  I could have held you for the entire day, but I knew deep down inside that an entire day would never have been enough.

Do you know how badly that we wanted you?

Do you know that we prayed for you each and every day during my pregnancy?

It’s hard to believe it was 2 years ago that we met you for the first time and also said goodbye to you for the last time.  When we see you again, there will be no more tears….there will be no more goodbyes.  We look forward to that day so very much.  But in the meantime, we trust that your days are filled with utter joy!  Praise be to God, for our prayers were answered!  We wanted you to know Jesus some day, and now you are with him for eternity!  Happy 2nd birthday, sweet Andrew!  We trust the party in heaven is far better than we could ever imagine!