The older I get, I find that I’m getting more and more comfortable in my own skin. It’s one of the things I enjoy most about aging, actually.
I remember those middle school years especially, feeling like I was a fish out of water. I don’t remember exactly, but I am pretty certain I was the same height in seventh grade as I am now {5 foot 11 inches), or at least pretty darn close. Needless to say, I was awkward. Add braces on top of that and the normal 90’s dress and I was a hot mess.
The funny thing is, the people who I thought had it together were just as much a mess as I. Whether we knew it or not, we were all in the most awkward phase of our lives together.
Luckily, other than the occasional snide remark about the size of my feet by my neighbor across the street, I found my niche and had a really enjoyable adolescence. I certainly had my insecurities about my appearance and body image, but overall it wasn’t too bad.
I’m so thankful that I knew Jesus at that age because at the end of the day, I knew that His opinion was what truly mattered and that He happened to think I was worth quite a lot, just the way I was.
Fast forward into adulthood and so many of the insecurities I faced then are no longer even on the radar. The braces are gone and my height doesn’t really bother me anymore. {I still tend to not wear high heels to avoid towering over my husband, but they are usually uncomfortable anyway so I’m not missing out on too much – ha!}.
I don’t worry as much about my weight because the rest of the world’s metabolism has slowed down right along with mine. And the postpartum belly? Well, let’s just say that I’m fighting a loosing battle and I’m starting to embrace it. My kids were worth it! 🙂
The funny thing is that just as so many of my adolescent insecurities have all but disappeared at this point, I’m noticing some new adult insecurities creeping in.
Just the other week when I dropped Savannah off at preschool, the director handed us a list of the preschool roster. On it was the name of each child, along with their address and parent’s contact information. The gesture was very kind and will be a nice help in trying to connect with the other families during the school year.
But, what was done as a nice gesture to build community within the preschool can easily bring forth my adult insecurities since I can look at most of the addresses on the sheet and have an idea of where these families live.
You see, I love being the The Teacher’s Wife. After all, I have a kind and super cute husband who loves the Lord and works so hard to provide for us. I’m so proud of him and I’m so proud to be his wife. My life is so filled with blessings that I hate to even admit there are moments when I worry what others think.
I’m really and truly content with my life, but if I’m honest with you, there are moments when I struggle with what others may think of me and how they may view our family.
What will they think of where we live?
If they come over for play date, will they think our house is ugly?
Do they think we are crazy for making sacrifices so I can stay at home with our children?
What will they think of our children?
I’ve certainly come a long way when it comes to insecurities. I’m much more comfortable with myself, but it bothers me that I even think for a minute about how the rest of the world perceives me. I’m a people pleaser by nature, so I have to fight my instinct to care about the opinions of other people.
More than likely, people are busy enough with their own lives that they don’t even have time to think about us and what our family is doing. And even if they are judging us, what does it really matter anyway?
The truths I clung to back in those awkward days of middle school are still true.
The only opinion that matters is the Lord’s and as long as we are living our lives in obedience to Him, then we are doing quite alright.
If that’s one of the things I learned during those awkward middle school years, then maybe I wasn’t such a hot mess after all. Maybe I had it more “together” than I thought. 🙂
Today, I’m linking up with Megan at In This Wonderful Life for Midweek Randoms!
it's funny you should mention your insecurities when you were younger…
as someone who was very close with you in high school, i must say i always really admired and looked up to you. i always thought you were (and still are) so pretty and more importantly, very very kind. i remember being in class with you and how studious and responsible you were and i have no doubt those same qualities help you in your current life as a mom.
as someone who made the same choice to stay home to be a mom, i can identify with your insecurities and occasional inclination to compare yourself to others. it's honestly difficult not to sometimes; we are only human. but like you, i wouldn't have it any other way. i think about my choice every single day and it is by far the most significant and influential one i've ever made. my life may not be glamorous and we will most likely be in this modest townhouse for many years, but that's alright with me. i wouldn't trade fancy things or vacations for the time and relationship i have with mollie, that's for certain.
be proud of yourself and know that there are many other mommies out there who feel the same way. 🙂
You are so sweet, Erin. I remember very vividly being so encouraged by you during those high school years. I so wish we could enjoy some play dates these days. I have a feeling our kids would get along great and we'd have some really great conversations! 🙂
yeah, i know! please let me know when you come back to MD for visits and maybe we can get together!
I will, Erin. The problem I sometimes have is that I'm only there for such a short time and it's usually for a family function which takes up most of the visit. But, I sometimes come up for a long weekend or even a week at a time, so maybe we could try to connect then!! It would be fun!