Our Sad News

As I mentioned earlier this week, last week was pretty crazy at our house.  I’ll just cut to the chase, since I feel like this is a community where I can share my heart and what is going on in my little family.

Back in September, we were shocked to discover that I was pregnant with baby #4.  {Surprise!} 

Up to this point, all of our babies required some planning and some fertility “support,” so you can probably understand why Kev and I were totally surprised to see the lines on that pregnancy test.  After the shock set in a bit, I began to wonder how I would possibly be able to manage 3 little ones under the age of 3.5 years of age.  I was nervous to say the least, but as time went on, the fear turned to excitement!

After some initial blood work to determine that I was indeed pregnant, I headed to my OBGYN for my first appointment in early October.  I was relieved to see the heartbeat at 7 weeks, but I was still very early and knew I had a long way to go until May 2014.  My doctor saw a small spot on my uterus that she basically described as a bruise and told me to come back in 2 weeks to take another look.  She wasn’t worried about it and said it is pretty common {and can happen during implantation} and usually goes away on its own.

In those two weeks between appointments, my usual pregnancy symptoms surfaced.  We decided not to tell many people {immediate family}, since we were so early and still processing the news ourselves.  We also weren’t sure how people would react {not that it mattered} and wanted to keep it on the down low until we were further along and ready to share.

On Tuesday of last week {Infant Loss & Pregnancy Remembrance Day}, I headed to my second pregnancy appointment where I would be having another sonogram.  Both kids were with me since Savannah didn’t have preschool that particular day.

Unfortunately, within the first 30 seconds of the sonogram, I knew things were not good and even commented about not seeing the flicker.  I’ve had enough ultrasounds to know that when you don’t see the flicker of the heartbeat within a few seconds, it’s not good.  Of course, the sonographer did what she had to do and asked for “another set of eyes.”

I sat on the exam table, totally aware of what was about to be confirmed, just waiting for my doctor to come talk to me.  She looked at the sonogram again and told me what I had already discovered on my own.  Our baby was no longer alive and had joined our son in heaven.  She also confirmed that the baby had not grown as much as would have been expected.  The baby was only measuring at 7.5 weeks and I should have been at 9 weeks by that point.        

I held it together long enough to leave the sonogram room and head down to talk more with my OBGYN.  She was as fantastic as ever, totally relieving any thoughts that I might have done something to cause this loss.  More than likely, there were some genetic issues to have caused a loss this early, but we don’t know for certain. 

Savannah was a doll the entire time.  The entire morning even before the appointment, she kept telling me how much she loved me.  I had originally wanted to schedule the sonogram for when Savannah was at school, but clearly, God knew I needed her there with me.  Brady was sweet too, but he was a little irritable and wanted out of the stroller – ha!!  🙂

We discussed options and Kev and I ultimately decided to proceed with a D&C.  I originally had it scheduled for this past Friday, but when I was told it would not be good to travel to my cousin’s wedding after the surgery, I opted to wait it out over the weekend.  I was bound and determined to enjoy the weekend with my family and I’m so glad that I did. 

On Monday morning, I had the D&C and it went as well as could be expected.  It worked out so that my mother was able to be here to watch the kids so I could rest and take it easy after I got back home.  We also had a sweet friend bring us some dinner and spend a little time with me.

So, where does that leave us?

We’re doing okay. 

Are we sad to have lost this baby?  YES.  Absolutely! 

But, we are doing alright considering.  God has been so good to remind us that He is with us and that He is still good.

Will we try to get pregnant again?  YES, at some point.  We weren’t thinking about getting pregnant this time around, but this pregnancy has definitely confirmed that we would love another baby at some point if it’s in God’s will for us.  If God chose to surprise us again, it would be totally fine with us!

We don’t know what God has planned for us, but in the meantime, we are thanking Him for the two babies we have in our home and the two babies we now have in heaven!

Thanks for hearing my heart and sharing in our grief.  Your friendship and community has been such a blessing.