I hope that you all had a very Merry Christmas!
My family started arriving the Sunday before Christmas. My dad has been working on putting up beadboard all week (with a break for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day), so he wanted to get started on the project as soon as possible. Although my house is a total mess right now, I’m really glad we did the project. It gave me something to get excited about (it looks great so far even without paint on it yet) and it will give me a project to work on when everything settles back down after New Year. It’ll probably take me a while to caulk everything and paint it. I’ve been taking some pictures along the way and will definitely post once the job is finished.
Christmas Eve was nice, but I got pretty emotional at church. It really started with one of the slides that was shown before one of the songs – a baby’s hand on top of a mother’s. We have a picture of Andrew’s beautiful hands and it reminded me so much of that picture. It had been a while since I had literally sobbed, so when I got home I just let loose. It felt good to get some of the emotions out. Things finally settled down later that night.
Christmas Day was actually pretty good. I enjoyed the day with my family at my grandmother’s house. We opened a few presents and enjoyed relaxing for the rest of the day. Kevin and I decided against exchanging gifts this year. We used some of the money we got to pay for our new TV, and we have had some other expenses come up, so we didn’t feel the need to spend more money. My heart has been focussed on Christ’s birth this season and not presents, so it was totally fine with me.
Later that evening was a little rough though. I love my family dearly, but we had some tough conversations. They are concerned about me and the way that I have been handling things. I felt very betrayed and very hurt, because I have felt like I’ve handled things pretty darn well actually. I know they meant well, but it still hurt.
I’m really thankful that we’ve made it through Christmas. God was so gracious to us this year. As a mother, I have looked upon Christ’s birth with an entirely new perspective. How difficult it must have been for God to send his one and ONLY son to die for the sins of the world!! The reality of that sacrifice has hit me in a new way this year, and I’m thankful to have that new perspective.
I’m actually really looking forward to the New Year coming up. Although 2009 was a wonderful year in many ways, I’m definitely ready for it to end. It started out so full of promise, and ended so differently than we had hoped. We are praying hard that the Lord would bless us again with another child in 2010. I am clinging to the Lord to get me through day by day as we wait on his timing.