9 Months Without Andrew

Kevin and I just arrived (along with my grandmother) at our hotel here in Pittsburgh for the weekend.  By the time of this post, you can probably guess that we were later getting here than we had hoped.  I’m thankful for wireless internet and laptops that allow me to post even though I’m not home.  Though the date on this post will be May 8th, I’m still considering it May 7th until I turn out the lights and hit the sack for the night (which will be very soon).

I just couldn’t let this day go by without a post about our son’s 9th month in heaven.  It’s so hard to believe that Andrew would be 9 months old if he were still with us.  It’s also hard to believe that Andrew has been in heaven for the same amount of time that he was in my womb.  From here on out, his time in eternity will far outweigh his short time on earth.  I can’t reiterate enough how thankful I am for an eternity spent in heaven through Christ’s blood, but I still wish my baby were here with us.  I can’t lie.  As a mother, I wish we could have held him in our arms alive before he went home to be with Jesus.  It makes me feel a little better when I think about how special Andrew is that Jesus chose to take our precious little guy home to be with him sooner rather than later.  In some ways, I guess it’s a compliment?  I’d like to think so.

I don’t have a whole lot of deep thoughts to share today.  Just that I miss my son like crazy.  I looked at his pictures quite a bit and was just reminded of how much I love him.  This weekend has the potential be a difficult one, with it being Mother’s Day and all.  We won’t be at church on Sunday since we’re out of town, so I won’t have to deal with the awkwardness of what the day could bring at church.  But, it still plain stinks that my “proof” of my motherhood isn’t here.  I know that I don’t need to prove to anyone that I’m a mother.  I know what it felt like to carry him and love on him for 9 whole months, but it just stinks that the physical evidence of his existence is limited to stretch marks on my belly.  That little boy has a very large piece of my heart, and that’s all the proof I really need.