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Too Busy

May 18, 2010 by Sarah

It’s been a little while since I have been able to post.  I was thinking about it today and I think part of the reason is because I just don’t have a whole lot to say.  I feel like I’ve said so that I’m out of things to say at this point.  I’ve been mulling over an idea for a post about the pros and cons of Facebook for a grieving mother, but I’m having a hard time finding a way putting my feelings into words without coming across too harsh.  We shall see what comes of that. 🙂

The reality of my life right now is that Kevin and I are doing well.  I almost hate to even say that.  I feel like I should still be sobbing each and every day over the absence of our son, but the reality is that I’m not.  Don’t get me wrong, when the bad days come, they are usually REAL BAD.  But, they are fewer and further between.  What hasn’t changed though is just how much I miss Andrew.  That missing is still as strong as ever. 

Kevin and I have been pretty busy over the past month as spring has slowly started turning into summer.  I know it might not be officially summer yet, but when your husband is counting down the days until school is out, summer is just around the corner!  It’s been tough this spring and summer.  I absolutely love warm weather – and love being outside when the weather is nice.  I can’t help but think about all the nice walks, picnics at Maymont, and all the other fun spring and summer events we won’t get to experience with our son.

We’ve had a lot going on the past few weeks, which has also meant I haven’t had as much time to spend on my grief. That might sound weird that grief actually requires time and effort, but it definitely does for me.  I feel ashamed that Andrew’s grave has no flowers on it right now.  I hate that we’ve let the busyness of our weekends keep us from picking out some beautiful flowers to put there.  I really dislike the fact that our backyard looks like a jungle yet again and is not neatly displaying the hydrangeas that we planted in August after we lost Andrew.  I just hate how life gets in the way of me doing what I need to do to honor my son.  It makes me mad. 

The past 2 weekends we were out of town for special family events and I don’t regret that at all.  But, overall, I need to do a better job of saying no to certain things so that I am able to do what I need to do in order to honor my son and spend time remembering him.  I know in my innermost thoughts, he is never forgotten, but there is something so refreshing and healing about actually doing something to remember him.  And how long does it really take to purchase flowers for a grave anyway?  And does it really take that long to pull a few weeds from your backyard?  These things seem so small, yet they are so important to me. 

The other day I read a devotion titled “God is Good.”  I’ve been thinking about it quite a bit lately and thought I’d end by sharing a little from it.  I still don’t know what to make of it.  I know in my head that God is certainly good, but when you’re faced with terrible tragedy like death, it’s sometimes a difficult pill to swallow.

Sometimes our circumstances seem like anything but evidence of God’s goodness.  But that is because we tend to define God by what we have deemed as good.  We have to turn that around.  We have to learn to define goodness by who God is and what he does.  God is eternally, intrinsically, abundantly, infinitely, perfectly good.  God himself is the standard by which we should compare anything we want to label as “good.”  He is the source from which everything that is truly good emanates.  God alone is absolutely good.  If God ceases to be good, he would cease to be God.

Exodus 34:4-8
So Moses chiseled out two stone tablets like the first ones and went up Mount Sinai early in the morning, as the LORD had commanded him; and he carried the two stone tablets in his hands. Then the LORD came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the LORD. And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation.” Moses bowed to the ground at once and worshiped.

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Comments

  1. Holly says

    May 18, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    I an certainly relate to the busyness. Life is filled with so much it can be hard to fit everything into just one day. I don't post as much on Carleigh's blog b/c I don't feel like there is much to say like I used to. There's still a few things I want to share for my own sake though that I'll get around to eventually.

    Glad you guys are doing well. My hubby and I are the same. We're doing pretty good too. Not a lot of sad days anymore.

  2. Mary Ellen says

    May 19, 2010 at 12:47 am

    So glad to hear that you are doing well. It never means that you forget them but it does mean that it is a different stage of your grief.

Meet Sarah

Hey, I'm Sarah (a.k.a. The Teacher's Wife)! Wife to a history teacher and mom of 5 kids (2 in heaven). I'm a coffee addict, budget nerd, who's obsessed with good chips and salsa. I love finding ways to organize & manage my home and life...all on a budget! I'm thrilled you stopped by and I hope you'll find something inspiring! Read More…

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Any guesses as to what I'm doing here? I promise, Any guesses as to what I'm doing here?  I promise, the kids did not play a prank on me! 😂
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I'm actually cleaning/dusting the ceiling fan in our guest room. I saw this tip years ago and I've been doing it ever since, although probably not as often as I should! 🤪
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Snag an old pillowcase and drag it off each blade so the dust stays inside of it. Then, wash it in your next laundry load for easy clean up! 
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Happy Friday!!
This is where the meal magic happens in our house. This is where the meal magic happens in our house.  Don't ever let anyone convince you that you have to have a large (and often expensive) kitchen in order to feed your family. 
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Is there anything wrong with a large and expensive kitchen?  Nope!
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Can they be helpful?  Absolutely!
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This house was built in the 1940s and likely housed a family our size, or maybe larger.  It's amazing to think how our concept of wants and needs have changed since then.
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Maybe someday we'll have a larger kitchen, but for now, I'm thankful that this small kitchen allows me to have everything at my fingertips quickly! 😁
"The answer to the purposelessness and hollowness "The answer to the purposelessness and hollowness we feel is found not in us but outside of us. The solutions to our problems and pain aren't found in self-love, but in God's love.

The God who created us, who created the universe, who is the same yesterday, today, and forever, is the one who provides us with the purpose and satisfaction we're seeking. While self love depletes, God's love for us doesn't. He showed us his love by sending Jesus to die for our sins so that we could be forgiven and live forever with him. Self-love is superficial and temporary. God's love is profound and eternal."

"The first myth that you are enough. My counter was this: you're not you'll never be enough, and that's okay, because God is."

--Allie Beth Stuckey

***Go read Ephesians 2:1-5!  It wrecks me every time!!***
You know you are a perfectionist when you look up You know you are a perfectionist when you look up "how to cut hydrangeas for a vase" on Google.  It's a rough life sometimes, but these beauties are helping!😉 😍
It's time to finish tidying my entire home, so I'm It's time to finish tidying my entire home, so I'm picking up where I left off....kitchen kimono!  I took some before shots and I'll share the afters once I'm done (with a writeup for my blog too). 
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What is your love language?
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