Over the past week or so, I’ve felt some of the emotions building regarding our sweet boy. The first few weeks with Savannah were so overwhelming that I honestly just didn’t have the energy to think past the present moment. Not that he wasn’t on our mind, but I just didn’t have time to really dwell on my feelings. We actually visited the cemetery shortly after Savannah was born – Kevin and I went by ourselves since Savannah hasn’t been discharged yet. It wasn’t a planned visit, but Kevin just veered off as we were about to drive past the cemetery. Just as I was about to ask where he was going, I realized. I love it when Kevin initiates visits to the cemetery, because so often I feel like I’m the only one who remembers him (which I know isn’t true).
Anyway, I don’t know what it is about this week, but Andrew has been on my mind more and more lately. As I look at our sweet baby girl, I am reminded of the faithfulness of God, but am also reminded of what should have been (at least in my mind) with him. As grateful as we are for the short time we had with him, there’s no denying that we are missing out on tons.
A dear friend brought over some food this morning and left a sweet note along with some special gifts. Her note put it so well.
“NAME and I suspect in welcoming Savannah that your love for and experience with Andrew floods your being. We just want you to know that we acknowledge and support you in all of your parenthood experiences – the experiences with your son and with your daughter. Like we have been, you are in a very tender position of having your first child making you parents while later your second child providing your “firsts” of the “hands-on” love and care. NAME and I know the experience of soaking all of it in with your second child while facing the re-opening of the longing we have for our first child.”
Sweet Andrew,
Mommy misses you today. We wish so much that you could have met your baby sister here on earth. God had other plans, and while we are thankful for your home in heaven, we still miss you so much. Each day with Savannah makes us more aware of what we missed with you. We look forward to introducing your sister to her big brother in heaven. She has no idea yet how lucky she is to have a big brother like you, but she will some day! We think of you everyday and will never forget you.
I Love you, my sweet boy!
Mommy
Oh Sarah, I know how you feel. Savannah has filled your heart with joy, yet her presence and all the worderful experiences of her are a constant reminder on what you missed out on with Andrew. You just thought you knew before- Praying for your peace!
Sarah – what a beautful post and a wonderful friend who understands and supports you! Many blessings to you!
Kristin
Sarah, I understand what you're saying, and it is such a tough thing to experience. That was such a nice note from your friend. Sending you lots of love and prayers.
Hwat a precious post. It is so difficult to know what "should be" in your mind. Your love for Andrew will only deepend as your sweet little daughter grows and I continue to pray for you and your husband. What a sweet note from your friend. So glad you are surrounded with support