Learn how to get your spouse on board with a budget so that you can work together on your finances and strengthen your marriage.
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Budgeting. It can be a hot topic! Some people love them while others think they are a dirty word. Which one are you?
Either way, if you want to improve your financial situation, the first place to begin is….drum roll please…with a budget.
I listen to the Dave Ramsey podcast almost every day and one of the most asked about topics is how to get a spouse on board with budgeting.
Help! My spouse won’t get on board with a budget!, they’ll say when they call.
Being that I’m a “budget nerd” and my husband is more of the “free spirit,” I can relate to this question a lot!
For years, I was frustrated with our lack of unity regarding money. We both had good intentions, but it just wasn’t happening.
As the one who created the budget and paid the bills each month, I felt a huge burden. I enjoyed crunching the numbers, but wanted my husband to participate more.
On the other hand, my husband got tired of asking whether he could spend money. He felt like he had no visibility to our money and was frustrated that we “never had money to spend.”
It’s taken some time for us to get on the same page when it comes to our finances. We are still a work in progress (we always will be!), but we’ve made huge progress over the past year.
And in fact, working together on our finances has helped our marriage tremendously. Budgeting together may be hard at first, but I believe the financial and relationship benefits are 100% worth it!
How to Get Your Spouse on Board with a Budget
1. Talk about your why?
If you are excited and motivated about improving your finances, it’s very natural for your passion to overwhelm (or steamroll) your spouse. I’m very guilty of this!
Rather than discussing why this is the right thing to do from a math standpoint, take a step back for a minute. Tell your spouse why this is important to you. Talk about your motivation for wanting to do this.
Are you tired of all your money doing to debt?
Do you want more financial stability for your family?
Would you like to change your work situation but feel stuck?
One night when things are quiet, have a heart to heart with your spouse about why this means so much to you. If they see what is motivating you to do this, your spouse will likely respond. After all, they love you and value what’s important to you.
If not, then perhaps there are deeper issues (that have nothing to do with money) that need to be addressed.
2. Make it easy for them
Budgeting does take some effort. While it doesn’t take nearly as much time as some might think, it can seem overwhelming to someone who is just getting started.
Pick a budget method that will be easy and simple for you and your spouse to implement.
For years, I used an Excel spreadsheet that was saved on our USB drive. The flash drive was located in a drawer in our desk so that we both had access to it, but the reality was that my husband never checked it on his own.
We needed a simpler way. I was just about to switch it over to a shared Google sheet. Then, I heard about the free EveryDollar budgeting app.
The EveryDollar app has been a game changer for our budget. Once you sign up for an account, you can access it through your laptop or on your smartphone app. We are currently using the free version, but they also offer a paid version that connects directly to your bank.
There are lots of options out there, but pick one that works for you. And if you start out doing it one way and realize it’s not working, change it!
3. Ask for their input
Since I genuinely enjoy budgeting, I still create the initial budget each month but I do not pay bills until we have agreed to the final budget.
Once I’ve done a first pass, we sit down together and go over the budget together. We make tweaks until we are comfortable with everything.
Invite your spouse to discuss the budget and ask for their opinion. Don’t just ask for them to “sign off” on any work you’ve already done.
If you are just getting started, some of these conversations might not go well. Money reveals your heart (Matthew 6:21), so it might take some time to talk through your budget items as you align your priorities and compromise.
4. Add “fun money” to the budget
A budget can seem like a straight jacket to some people, so adding a “fun money” line item might help.
Budgeting is not meant to restrict, but to give you boundaries. I think of it like a fence. My kids are safe when they play inside the fence in our backyard, so can play freely within the boundary.
Unless you are in debt and working your way out (I would recommend Dave Ramsey’s debt snowball method), then have some “fun money” in your budget. My husband and I call this our allowance – we get a little each month and can spend it any way that we want!
5. Ask them to try it for 90 days
If your spouse is still hesitant, then ask them to consider it for 90 days only. Sometimes a long-term commitment can be overwhelming to someone who is just beginning.
Besides, it takes about 90 days to get in a good rhythm. Once you get comfortable with budgeting, your spouse will likely see the benefits and be more willing to continue.
I highly recommend budget meetings with your spouse. When you are just starting out, I’d try to do your budget meetings weekly. After you’ve been doing this for a while, once or twice a month will likely be sufficient.
Have some fun with your budget meetings!
6. Be patient with them
Give your spouse lots of grace! If you are a budget nerd, this budgeting stuff is exciting to you. It might be hard to believe, but not everyone else gets excited about it. Crazy, I know! 😉
Your spouse may never truly get excited about it. However, they can learn to appreciate them if you are patient and show lots of grace along the way.
Be willing to adjust as you learn this new habit together as a couple. Communicate and be willing to compromise as needed.
Getting your spouse on board with a budget may seem impossible right now! If you’ve approached this topic with frustration (or anger) in the past, apologize and try again.
I promise, budgeting as a couple will help your finances, but more importantly than that, it will help your marriage. Working together on your money will unify your pocket book, but also your hearts!
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