While riding home from a nice dinner with my family tonight (a belated birthday meal for my grandmother), I decided to pop in one of my old worship CD’s. Listening to it immediately brought me back to my college days when I used to listen to it repeatedly. When I looked at the back of the CD, the date said 1998. Wow – that was a long time ago!
As I drove home, I listened to the song “You Alone” and just enjoyed some time worshipping and singing out loud to the Lord. It’s an awesome song – it’s about 5 minutes, but I would encourage you to turn it on, tilt your head back, close your eyes, and just sing to the Lord. Just you and Him. Lift your hands if that’s your thing, and even cry if the Spirit moves you. It’s awesome and I assure you that you’ll be blessed.
The lyrics to the song are filled with words of truth about how God alone is good, enough, the only one we need, etc, etc. As I sang the words to that song, I finally felt like my heart was matching up with with what my mouth was saying. So often, lately, I’ve had to believe things about God that I just haven’t been feeling. But, tonight, in my car, I felt the Lord’s presence and I just felt like all of the things I was singing were true. It was a good feeling. I know that truth isn’t based on my feelings, and I’m so thankful for that, but it is nice when your feelings are in line with what your mind knows to be true. Know what I mean?
And while singing this song in the car, I began to think more about my college days and what the Lord was doing in my life during that time. There were certainly challenges while in college, but overall, it was a time of tremendous spiritual growth. Like many women, I struggled with singleness. After dating 2 guys in high school (obviously not at the same time), I essentially went 2 solid years without a single invitation for a date. Sure, I took guy friends to sorority socials, but I never went on a single date. It was tough at times, but I was determined to be content in Christ alone. And in the midst of that time of singleness, I believe the Lord solidified in my heart that He was enough. If I never found a husband, I’d be okay. It might be hard at times, but I would be okay. He was enough.
Obviously, the Lord did choose to bless me with a wonderful husband in Kevin. And while I’m so thankful for his role in my life, singing the lyrics to “You Alone” just brought me back to that time in my life when I was really challenged to believe that God alone was all I needed. No man would ever satisfy like the Lord could, and it was such a beautiful time of learning that truth (sometimes I still have to remind myself of it though).
I also distinctly remember the day I met Kevin. It was the summer of my sophomore year of college. I had decided to work for a para-church organization named Youth for Christ, and I worked with some churches in the Baltimore area. I was at a youth camp called Centrifuge and was one of the youth leaders that accompanied some students from my old youth pastor’s church. I remember sitting in a rocking chair early in the morning and writing in my journal. I remember feeling so content in where the Lord had me that summer. I knew I was supposed to be doing what I was doing, and it felt so good. Just a couple of hours later, I was introduced to Kevin during one of the Bible studies for the youth leaders. I still have that journal and look back at it periodically. It’s just neat to see how the Lord works.
And it’s also neat how the Lord can use one single song to remind me of His faithfulness in the past. So while you may be tempted to throw out those old CD’s from your high school or college days, you may want to think twice. Perhaps the Lord may use them to remind you of what He has done in your life.
The past couple of days, the Lord has filled me with a tremendous spirit of hope! I can’t even really explain it, but I just feel like things will be okay. Don’t get me wrong, the longing for Andrew is still there and my desire to conceive again has not wavered for a second, but I just feel extremely hopeful. I don’t know what lies ahead for us, but I just believe it will be okay. I don’t have a clue what tomorrow holds, but I’m just really encouraged today.
Thanks to those of you who are walking with us through this journey. Whether you leave comments on my blog, on Facebook, or just pray from your homes and don’t even tell us, it’s greatly appreciated. Your prayers are powerful and effective, so thank you! And for those of you who want to be blessed, take a listen to this awesome song when you have a chance.