Sharing the Burden

Today is the 34 week mark!  I had my weekly appointment with my high risk doctor and Savannah did well.  She didn’t get her extra credit points for breathing movements today.  She was so close, but just wouldn’t cooperate completely.  The doctor wasn’t worried at all since she knocked it out of the park in all the other areas of the test.  They said her movement was fantastic and everything else was great.  I would have loved to see her pass that final section today, but I feel good with how she did.  It amazes me that they even know to look for these things.  I was a little bummed that she had turned, so she is now breech.  I was hoping that she would stay head down until D-day, but honestly that’s the least of my worries.  We can deal with breech if we have to, and she still has time to settle in anyway. 

I don’t recall whether I updated about our likely induction date.  The plan at this point is to induce labor on 12/10, which means we are under the 4 week mark! You may think that this would help me to relax and cruise on through the homestretch.  Well, not sure about other moms who have lost babies, but this momma is still struggling with worry. 

I’m still thinking through the whole worry thing.  I know that scripture tells us not to live in worry and fear, and perhaps it’s even a sin to worry.  While I certainly don’t worry intentionally, I’m coming to realize that what might be more important than the presence or absence of worry in our lives is actually what we do with our worry.  Do you bottle it up inside and let is dominate your life?  Or do you bring it to the feet of Jesus?  I’m trying my best to just bring it to him moment by moment.  But I digress…..

While all the extra monitoring is helping with worry, I just can’t shake this heavy responsibility of carrying my little girl.  While it’s a privilege that I certainly don’t take for granted, I guess I just need to express how hard it is.  As I’m hearing repeatedly at these appointments, “Make sure you are doing your daily kick counts.  You are by far the best monitor there is so you need to make sure you alert us if you notice changes in her movements.”  While this is true and I totally get that, it puts a LOT of pressure on me as momma.  Fathers, grandparents, siblings, and even doctors don’t carry that burden.  When talking to my mom today about some of that frustration and fear, she reminded me that I may feel like I am carrying the burden myself, but that I’m actually not.  Jesus is the one carrying that burden.

Prayer Warriors, would you pray that I would be reminded of that truth these last few weeks of this pregnancy?  Could you pray that I would be aware of Savannah’s movements and that the Lord would alert me to any possible changes in her health and well-being?  I don’t want to miss any signals of distress, but I also want to put my complete trust in the Lord with the outcome of this pregnancy.