A Torn Heart

 On Monday of this week, we made our semi-annual trek to the Children’s Hospital of Richmond for Brady’s Craniofacial Clinic appointment.  Although we’ve seen some of the doctors somewhat recently after his cleft palate repair surgery back in June, he’s changed so much since then that I was looking forward to their evaluation.

But as I sat in the waiting room with Brady on Monday morning, I just couldn’t wrap my head around everything I was seeing and the emotions I was feeling.  We had just wrapped up a great weekend filled with friends and laughter and now we were sitting in a waiting room surrounded with children whose futures were surely going to be filled with challenges.

I don’t even know what all the children were being seen for as the office doesn’t only see craniofacial patients, but I could tell that some situations were more serious than others just by appearances alone.

I saw one woman push her child in a wheelchair and offer him a drink in a squeeze bottle.  He was not able to hold the bottle on his own and I overheard the mom tell the nurse he was 2 years old.

Heartbreaking.  

I witnessed a young mom holding her infant and prepare to feed him with some sort of tubing.  She was called back right before she was about to begin.  He was fussy off and on and sounded so frail.

Heartbreaking.

There were plenty of others.

I was tempted to stare at each child, not because they were something to be gawked at, but rather because I was captivated by their beauty.  It was as if God gave me His eyes for just a short moment.

As I looked at the children surrounding us, I was overcome with emotion and tears started to well up. 

I was overwhelmed to be holding Brady in my lap and so thankful that his cleft palate repair went so smoothly.  Aside from possible speech delays {which happens to many children}, he is thriving beautifully.  I was discouraged by Brady’s cleft palate in the beginning, but seeing children with even greater challenges reminds me of the miracle of life.  The fact that any babies are born healthy is truly an act of God.  So much has to go right and so much can and often does go wrong.  Many people take that for granted, but I do not happen to be one of them anymore.  🙂

I was also overcome with an urgency to pray for the children and moms and dads in the waiting room, not knowing what they were facing and whether they had a relationship with the God who will walk them through every moment of it if they would only ask.  Some of those children probably have a life filled with obstacles ahead of them and I pray that their parents are encouraged and that they will not allow those challenges to obscure their view of who God is and His goodness.  

So, as we started our week on the high from our wonderful weekend, the harsh realities of life in this fallen world smacked me right in the face.  My heart has been tender since I was a little girl, but I find it to be even more so the older I get and the more tragedy I witness.

Sometimes I wonder why the Lord allowed Brady to have a cleft palate.  But, in the same breath, I wonder why he allowed it to be healed with surgery when physical healing is not always possible for some.  Our situation could be so much worse.  But rather than question God about why He chooses to allow certain things, I am choosing to be open to learn all the lessons He has for us.  

At the very least, I will view these visits to the craniofacial clinic as a reminder of God’s goodness in my own life and in the faces of the precious children.  Despite the circumstances these children face, they are made in the image of God and are a beautiful sight to be seen.

When it could be tempting to look away, I choose to look them straight in the eyes and see the beauty that God sees.  Will you?